smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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