If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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