you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
