She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
