Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
