Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
