i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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