how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
