Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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