Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
