Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize