Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
