i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
