I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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