please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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