Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's shark week go big or go home
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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