Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
