genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
