We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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