Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
NoShamevember. You game?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
