He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
