Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
