I just pynch a tree in the face
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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