They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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