im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
