There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
