i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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