i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
