So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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