a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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