Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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