Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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