Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
