mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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