You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
