I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
