when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
