maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
