At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
