I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
