it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
