Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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