it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
