Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
