MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize