sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So here I am, sexting at work.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
