We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Rumble strips road head = magical
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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