you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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