just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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