a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
