Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
