I think my fart just growled at me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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