bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
