Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
