Umm I'm too high to move.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize