im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Congratulations! We have a period
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize