I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
