Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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