bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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