The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
