Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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